I was originally going to title this "The Art of Keeping Busy." I had been thinking a lot about why we keep busy. Here lately, I keep myself busy so I don't end up alone with memories of my dad and get sad. Business has been my remedy. What I've learned between the time I drafted this post and now is that keeping busy can help, but it is not a permanent solution. At some point, assignments will be turned in, deadlines will be met, and life will calm down. When that happens, instead of clamoring for media or life to give my mind something to think about, I need to settle in and deal with my thoughts. It's not that I don't want to think about my dad. I do every day. I just don't want to think about the day I lost him.
We all have things going on that we soothe ourselves from by keeping busy. Whether it's loss, work/school/etc stress, insecurties, or fears, sometimes it is nice to be distracted. What I've learned is that while being distracted acts as a band-aid, being mindful can be the cure.
Distractions do just that. They distract us from the dark corners of our minds, but they also distract us from our lives. When I'm moving too fast, I don't think about the small parts of my day that I could really savor and enjoy. I don't think about how I'm treating people or how I'm treating myself. Being mindful might bring you face to face with the thing you want to avoid, but it will also help you to be an active participant in your life.
While keeping my mind occupied, I feel like I've been living in a blur. I feel like the episode of
I Love Lucy where she is working the conveyer belt. I can't keep up and things keep passing me by. Even though I am not dwelling on the sad thoughts, I am not experiencing things unfolding in front of me. My mind moves in a million different directions, and I think I am working toward an end goal that keeps becoming another goal and another. I secretly tell myself lies like I can calm down once
this project is turned in or I can relax after I run
that errand. Those assignments and errands will keep popping up in my planner. It's unavoidable. What I
can do is choose how I spend my time outside of those things so I'm not always scurrying to complete something.
I'm trying to be more mindful about a lot of things, but right now I am working on my time and my sensitivity. I like to be alone and just chill in my room, but if I'm being more mindful, I will manage my time so I watch the last season of
Friends and also hang out with my mom in the other room. It is important to have time to yourself and recharge, but I sometimes become a recluse. Limiting Netflix is hard, but it's not a crime. Those shows will be there (unless the contract with the network falls through haha) but the people won't always be. As far as my sensitivity, I can take things to heart too much sometimes. I jump to conclusions and assume the person I feel hurt by meant the worst. When I take the time to be mindful of the friendship I have with people and how I react to things, I realize my feelings should not be hurt. Living this way slows things down and helps me embrace the best life I've been offered and be kinder to those I love.
I encourage you to be mindful. Let yourself experience and work through what you are running from. Don't let life become about checking off a To-Do list. And experience each moment as it's happening.
